Okay, this will probably be a short post... but we will see.
Like most morning, we have devotions as a staff. I end up reading much more then the verse we are focusing on because the conversation is spoken primarily in Khmer. It's great because it gives me time to read the whole chapter (or even sometimes the whole book). This morning we were in Exodus and I started from beginning of the book. Chapter 4 caught my attention it was titled "Signs for Moses". It follows the dialogue between God and Moses and how he will show people that he is sent by God to free the Israelites. Whenever I think of Moses, I think of a man on a hill holding a staff, surrounded by an aura of glowing light. And something about dividing the purple ocean... oh wait scratch that, parting the Red Sea (clearly I need to brush up on my bible trivia). To this point I imagined him a confident and brave man ready to do anything to save his people. As I continued to read the verse below, I remembered that many things happened before the 10 plauges.
Exodus 4:10 Moses said to the Lord, "Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."
Wait! Where is the man who splits the orange body of water (sorry if you think that joke is getting old... because it's not). A few verses later he even says "Please send some one else". In these vulnerable moments, Moses clearly thinks that he is inadequate for the tasks that God has called him to do. Woah, real human quality alert!
Feeling called but not feeling ready for what I've been called for, is a sentiment that Moses and I must share. Moses doubted his skills far more then he doubted God's strength. After all God had just turned a stick into a snake and back again. Why doubt then? Well it seems like he thought he should work on his public speaking skills (Amen to that). After he made clear his doubt, God grew angry with him. I imagine God thinking "Moses! I'm God, I know you have the strength. It hurts me to see you doubt yourself".
Later in Exodus, Moses succeeds in his task of leading the Israelite's out of Egypt. He accomplishes the goal! Now I am not saying God will call us to tasks like Moses. But never the less we are called. My favorite hymn's refrain is below and it's words are so beautifully simple.
We are called to act with justice
We are called to love tenderly
We are called to serve one another
And to walk humbly with God
-David Haas
Did I feel ready to fly to Cambodia... heck no! Did I know what I was getting myself into... NOPE. Do I live in a state of confusion... yep. Do I miss home... yes. Do I love spending quality time with the people here... 100% yes. I am thankful for this journey... yes. Do I feel like I am growing as a person... totally.
I feel called to be here, learning, laughing and living alongside the people of Krus Village. Knowing that I have my known skills, and my unknown skills I have yet to tap into excites me. And it should excite everyone reading this post. God gives us the strength to do the things we feel called to and She is with us every step of the way.
Peace,
Allyssa